Every time I get out of the shower and look in the mirror I am reminded of my body. There is no escaping what is right there in front of me. Normally, I push out all thoughts of my gender out of my head and can avoid the dread deep inside. But there are times where I just sit shirtless in front of the mirror for hours, wondering why I was born this way. Why was I cursed to feel like an alien in my own body?​​​​​​​
This photo series is broken into threes. Each line tells its own story. We begin with the initial glare and upset glances. This set is where I first focus on my flaws and imperfections. The angle of the camera is slanted to emphasize the discomfort in my body language and there is a blue tint to the images. The second set is the process of putting on testosterone. I have to apply it every single day in order to maintain the changes that I have already made. The third set of images is the processing that even though I have been using testosterone, it has not changed by physical assets. I still feel disappointed whenever I look down. Even after 2 years, there are still things about my body that I cannot change. The fourth line is the disappointment and realization. Constantly staring in the mirror and not being able to tear my eyes away from the truth. The fifth line shows my phone. I included this detail because the phone allows me to look at what I cannot yet have. It reminds me of all of the steps I have to take in order to change. And causes envy towards the people who have already made this change.​​​​​​​
The final set includes a long exposure where I am desperately grasping at my chest trying to remove what is there. The conclusion is wearing a binder. A single piece of clothing that allows me to forget about my chest and allows me to move away from the mirror.
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